Uryu's Conspiricy Theory
by RAHbooks
Summary: Ichigo asks Uryu to explain his conspiracy theory. Based on Bleach S Abridged.


**So, this is a fanfiction of a fanfiction. There's a series on YouTube called **_**Bleach S Abridged**_** by the channel Project Mouthwash. They redub Bleach episodes and it's hilarious! Anyway, on this series Ury****ū**** is a conspiracy theorist who thinks the Hollows are robots built by Shinigami and of course the Illuminati is involved. When Renji and Byakuya show up to capture Rukia Uryū claims to have figured out their plan involving the Titanic, Walmart, Jack the Ripper and David Tennent. I started trying to figure out what the connection is and this little story popped into my head.**

**Uryu's Conspiracy Theory**

Ichigo sat up in bed in the Company 4 headquarters when Ishida walked in. "I thought I would come see how you are recovering he said, pushing up his glasses. Uryū

"Fine, but I was wondering about what you said to Byakuya when he and Renji came for Rukia. I just don't see how Jack the Ripper, Walmart, the Titanic and David Tennant could possibly be connected, let alone have anything to do with Shinigami."

"Are you sure you want me to explain it? Knowing the truth could put you in danger after all."

"After what we've just been through, I think I can handle it."

"Very well, I'll start simple. David Tennant starred in the British science fiction series 'Doctor Who'. In the Christmas special "Voyage of the Damned" he stops a spaceship modeled and named after the Titanic from crashing into Buckingham Palace, but in the special the crash is no accident it is sabotage! Obviously, the real Titanic was sabotaged as well—by Jack the Ripper!"

"Wasn't Jack the Ripper like a century before the Titanic?"

"No, only two or three decades, well within a normal lifespan for a human—if he was human. He must have been fleeing the country on it and seduced a rich young woman into helping him, when her fiancé figured out who he really was Jack sank the ship."

"Wait, isn't that a little extreme? And why would he wait so long to leave the country? Also, did you just work in the plot of the James Camron movie?"

"Did you think it was a coincidence the main character's name was Jack?"

"I…never thought about it, but didn't that Jack die in the end?"

"That was just to throw people off! Jack the Ripper was famous for disappearing from the scene of his murders—before people who heard the women scream could even arrive, yet their bodies were all similarly mutilated. Clearly Jack was a spirit!"

"Oh, you think Jack the Ripper was a Hollow! That actually kind of makes sense."

"Ridiculous! Hollows don't mutilate bodies and what kind of Hollow could pass for human to gain passage on a ship? No, he must have been a Shinigami!"

"O-kay…"

"David Tennant also played a dark wizard in 'Harry Potter' who helped to resurrect Voldemort from the dead. A ritual based on the Illuminati's summoning a Shinigami!"

"David Tennant is using his acting to warn people about the Illuminati?"

"No, you fool! His career never would have gotten off the ground if that's wat he was doing! Look at the context of those roles. A time traveler on a space ship, a wizard, a man who can control minds. They're trying to make everything they've done look ridiculous so no one will believe it!"

"When did mind control get involved?"

"That's the Illuminati's end game of course."

"Of course. How does Walmart fit in?"

"Must I explain everything?"

"Um…yes?"

"Very well. Walmart sells products related to all these things. David Tennant's movies and TV shows, documentaries about the Titanic and Jack the Ripper. It's the center of the Illuminati's disinformation campaign!"

"So, Walmart sells stuff so the Illuminati can control minds?"

"Yes!"

"You're crazy!"

Uryū pushed up his glassed so they reflected the light, "I see you are the type who would not believe in Bigfoot if I dumped a body in front of you."

Orihime poked her head into the room, "The Patterson-Gimlin footage looked pretty convincing to me!" she announced and popped back out.

"No matter. I must go and prepare my report for when we get back."

"Report to who? YouTube?"

"No! I have connections I cannot disclose to someone who refuses to see the truth."

After Uryū stormed out of the room Ichigo settled back on his pillows with a grin and muttered, "Yeah, he's putting it on YouTube."

**Well I hope it made you laugh, either way I highly recommend checking out **_**Bleach S Abridged**_** on YouTube, it should make you laugh a lot more.**

**Thanks, and prayers,**

**RAHbooks**


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